Nothing says “I can’t work a scanner” like a photo of a photo. That’s all class right there.
Fail Estate Agents
…and out on your delightful balcony is a breathtaking view of a cliff face. You know, cliff is the new river!
If you’re selling an apartment and the tenant is a filthy pig, why bother taking a picture of the kitchen at all?
“ Below are some amazing investment opportunities; every property selected below has a vendor wanting or needing to negotiate for whatever reason. The current marketplace is poised such that buyers and sellers who communicate get amazing results quickly. Remember; if you like a property, it only takes 10-15minutes to put an offer in and you may just have purchased it! ”
A few observations from this e-marketing piece:
- It’s poorly worded
- It puts the vendor in the position of appearing desperate
- It’s kind of condescending - communication leads to great results? WOW!
Every apartment comes with an observation deck!
Just FYI… we’re now calling balconies “observation decks”.
Yeah, just a little…
I came across this listing for a property that’s apparently “South of…………. ………………….., Brisbane 4000” and was immediately perplexed. A couple of questions for you, Mr Agent:
- What’s with all the full stops?
- And what’s with that random comma?
In my vast and wordly experience, the overuse of full stops in text generally means the author is either annoyed, shifty or a 13-year-old girl. I doubt he’s angry - what do agents have to be angry about? There must be something he’s hiding…
Ah, yes. This property is located in the delightful inner-city suburb of Algester. If, like me, you’re not entirely sure where that is, let me break it down for you. It’s south of Brisbane (4000) by a long way. About 20km, or a zippy 35 minutes in your car. In short, it’s not near the city.
By describing this cheap-looking townhouse as “south of Brisbane 4000” it could be assumed that it’s a relatively close distance to the city. I mean, Sydney is south of Brisbane.
Why not just list this as Algester - you know, the suburb where it’s located!
When looking for a property, there’s nothing more appealing than pixelated pictures of a bar, some chocolate and a bottle of champagne that people in the market for an apartment probably can’t afford.
That’s why this cracker of a listing made my heart skip a beat. The main picture is of the Lychee Lounge, which is a good 15 minute walk from this property. The second, I’m guessing, is an artist impression of the apartment block. Talk about priorities!
Clearly they’ve only got one of the architect’s drawings to market with, so the shot of a cafe’s confectionary case and a bottle of Louis Roederer were obvious substitutes.
Playing hard to get
I just had a real-estate agent return a message I’d left… about two weeks ago. And he referred to my “rental” query, when I’m pretty sure I’ve not looked at renting a place in about five years.
I suspect Andy Warhol and this real-estate agent would get along really well. Seriously, every single photo is like that - part black and white, with emphasised feature colours of purple and green.
Good on you for trying to inject creativity into your work, but that’s probably not the place to do it.
Check out the full listing.
