August 2010
8 posts
Nothing says “I can’t work a scanner” like a photo of a photo. That’s all class right there.
Listing
“Below are some amazing investment opportunities; every property selected below...”
– A few observations from this e-marketing piece:
It’s poorly worded
It puts the vendor in the position of appearing desperate
It’s kind of condescending - communication leads to great results? WOW!
Every apartment comes with an observation deck! →
Just FYI… we’re now calling balconies “observation decks”.
Yeah, just a little...
I came across this listing for a property that’s apparently “South of…………. ………………….., Brisbane 4000” and was immediately perplexed. A couple of questions for you, Mr Agent:
What’s with all the full stops?
And what’s with that random comma?
In my vast and wordly experience, the overuse of full stops...
Playing hard to get
I just had a real-estate agent return a message I’d left… about two weeks ago. And he referred to my “rental” query, when I’m pretty sure I’ve not looked at renting a place in about five years.
July 2010
23 posts
Rant about real-estate agents
Captain Ranty Pants from Victoria has posted a new blog about rental agents and the many frustrations they cause. It brings back painful memories from my years as a renter.
Check it out here. Don’t forget, you can share your real estate pain by submitting your own story to this blog. Do it now!
MODERN UNIT - WALK TO TRAIN! →
Question: is it the lattace, faux-colonial architraves, bright blue feature wall or shitty furniture that makes this property “modern”?
Irony
I went to an open house once and noted how the agent was possibly the world’s biggest douche. He pulled up in his BMW about 10 minutes late and swanned to the front door without acknowledging anyone who was standing around outside.
“Come on, folks! I’ve got another appointment after this so we’ll have to be quick!”
Yes, I’m serious. He was arrogant, short...
Property ad headline fails
Part of the fun of browsing realestate.com.au is laughing at the dodgy property advertisements. With an abundance of poorly worded text and horrific photos, you’d think vendors would demand more attention to detail.
Headlines are crucial. Next to the thumbnail picture, it’s the element of the ad that should grab the attention of prospective buyers and make them look.
Here are just...
You really are an idiot
An email from a real-estate agent dropped into my inbox yesterday advertising new properties and inspection times for this weekend. It was the same story that I’ve been whinging about in earlier posts: very few advertised prices.
Normally, I won’t bother asking after a house if the agent is too stupid to divulge the price… but there was one that caught my eye and I made an...
Oi, Sheila!
About three or four weeks ago, I came across a house in Ashgrove that looked really promising - big, bright and within my budget. And it’s a house - I’ve not lived in one of those for many years.
I e-mailed the agent asking to arrange a time to inspect. It hadn’t been on the market long so I expected a response pretty quickly. Instead, I waited - for a week. When I heard...
“You need to learn in life that you have to compromise to get what you want....”
– This is what an agent told me while I was looking to buy my first place four or five years ago, in response to an offer that was at most $10,000 below the asking price.
He was an arrogant toss and the vendors ended up sacking him eventually. I sat tight, and when the property was re-listed with a...
I think you're lying to me
There’s nothing I hate more than feeling like I’m being played. So you can imagine my constant state of joy when dealing with real-estate agents.
Example: the dude who showed me a one-bedroom in New Farm last week. It was at the back of a retail complex and really small. The price was reasonable and it had a car park, but it wouldn’t have even been 50 square metres. I...
You say tomato, I say crappy
According to this news.com.au story, auction clearance rates across Australia have slumped in recent months. This, coupled with higher volumes of properties and fewer buyers, means there’s bargains to be had. Well, I don’t see it. From what I can tell, having poured over literally hundreds of properties in three months, prices are higher than ever. Sellers are not willing to negotiate and have...
Wow, this is awkward...
Dodgy real-estate agents are not only bad at things like common decency, but it seems they also suck at geography. Case in point, this new property listing.
There’s just a few small things wrong with this ad, and I’m not talking about the monstrosity this dude is trying to sell. Seriously, what the hell is that thing? A townhouse? A tissue box? Never mind, it’s not...
“You will simply love this property’s unspoilt charm!”
– I’ve discovered that “unspoilt charm” is real estate code for “barely standing crack den backing onto a train line”
What a fun game!
I came across a promising house in Norman Park last week. It was a three-bedroom Queenslander on a decent street that needed some work - perfect. Alas, there wasn’t an asking price. As you’d guess by my earlier post, this really pisses me off.
Normally, I’d move on. Call it a form of peaceful protest: you try to play games by not listing a price, I take my money elsewhere....
Share your pain
I’ve received a lot of feedback on Twitter since starting this blog, and it seems I’m not alone in my real estate pain. So, share your stories. You can submit your own examples of stupid and lazy fail estate agents here.
How long does it take to fix a repair?
Submitted by reader Shonz.
Apparently four weeks, if you’re renting with my real estate.
Long story short - kitchen light fixture breaks (for the record, there is no other light in my kitchen. I cook with gas. Dilemma). Repair request sent, marked emergency. Hear nothing for weeks. Follow up. Phone calls not returned.
Did you know you can submit a ‘Notice to Remedy a Breach’...
“We have not set a price yet, we will set a price in another week, most of the...”
– Well, that’s a reasonable range. I mean, what’s a $100,000 between friends? If the vendors are as motivated as you claim, maybe they could decide on a sale price? Idiot.
Deceased estate? No kidding →
Take a look at this listing for a deceased estate in Spring Hill and see if you can figure out how the owner might’ve died.
You don’t have to be a genius to read between the lines. The agent has described this as a “demolitionsts (sic) dream” and spruiked the development opportunities. Was there a need to post images of the interior?
This is a deceased estate… the...
Does that mean it's free?
What’s with the growing trend of real-estate agents not putting a price on property listings? Do they expect us to believe the seller simply hasn’t decided how much they want for their house? Rubbish. They know exactly what price they’ll settle for. It’s just a dodgy, rat-bastard tactic designed to create competition and squeeze more cash from buyers. But it ends up creating more work for the...
Slowly going insane
I’d be willing to bet that 90 per cent of real-estate agents are complete morons.
I make this statement after buying a few properties, years of interacting with agents of every ilk and countless instances of sheer stupidity, negligence or arrogance.
For the past three or four months, I’ve been back in the market. My partner and I are looking for something - anything, really - to...